a toy? a boy? a man? a lover? a fool? who knows

so let me tell you a story about this boy i knew. born into a rough neighborhood, never knew how much danger he was in, how every minute could be his last. it was normal to him, it was what he believed was normal. he was a happy child till the age of 8, when he was able to fully comprehend everything infront of him. a drunk dad who would come and go, a father whose only around because the boy was “a mistake” he needed to deal with now. to be honest….he might not even be his son…..anyways. hi life was fine till he reached the 3rd grade, when kids started to judge and make fun of his growth on his face. he felt like a monster, he would be left out with the other kids. he would sit alone during lunch, whether it be in a lonely hallway or in a corner of a fence away from the other kids. for years it was like that for him, till 5th grade came by, he was old enough to get his growth removed. afterwards people started to notice him and he had friends and people would love to be around him…….then girls came into the picture. aparently girls even at that age are cruel and leave scars to years to come. the boy became a subject for testing, just a test subject for girls. he felt used and be littled, you know how that must feel for a boy to be belittled by girls? especially that age?! he then started to hate females and even at this age still does. 6th grade came along, middle school, all the people he knew from elementary school never crossed over to the school he was going to. he had a new start……..and yet again, like the begining of elemantry he was left alone, he tried this time to make friends but…..i guess noone likes to be around an ugly kid. yes he was not so attractive at this age and guys thought oh man if he hangs out with that kid he will never get a girl. sooo once again he was alone but this time kids would pick on him, beat him sometimes…..even go as far to throw me into the wolves to finish me off (gangsters, gangs, etc.). he was jumped so many times he forgets how many times it happend but has a scar to show for it. if people close to his face they can see his jaw isnt straight, its tilted a bit, crooked. through out all of this all he could think it will get better one day, hopefully. one day it did, he met this girl, he really liked her but turns out she didnt like him after all, he was cheated on left with questions. after that he was done with girls and decided he wasnt just lovable so he avoided girls as much as possible. years passed and high school came. he grew up and moved to a new city called temecula (shocker). he knew noone and didnt want to make friends, he wanted to be left alone, to himself so he wouldnt get hurt anymore. he picked up a new hobby when he moved, he found the beautiful art of skateboarding. so thats all he did everyday, skate skate skate. nothing was on his mind but skating and eventually became really good at it and made friends along the way because of skating…..but only his friends because he skated, after he quit those friends left him. anyways, highschool came along and samething would happen over and over again. people would come and go from his life so he held noone close to him, it was just him and his board, and for a while thats how he wanted…….till he met this girl one day. he still remembers his first thoughts about her, cute, pretty smile, small and perfect. who is she? whats her name? i must know who she is!. well in time he did and fell in love with her and she returned the love. then one day she left him, she left him. he thought he was doing good, like a boyfriend should be but guess he was wrong. memories of other girls using him came flooding back. did i wait long enough? where girls still using him? but this was true love that cant be, buy why did she leave. he went into denail she left, he went insane, he lost it. all the pain over the years he ignored now flooded back to him at full speed and his little broken self couldnt handle it, so he wanted to end himself, it would be over, noone could hurt anymore if he was gone but everytime he tried all he could see in his head was the first time he met her, his first kisses with her, his first love of his life, the only one that ever made him feel so great to be alive, the person he felt complete with…..so he stopped and knew he couldnt end himself. so now he stays silent and quitely hiding away his emotions for the best of others and for her sake. but when will he ever be truly happy again? his happiness with her was not fake….it was real, the most real thing he had ever felt. time passed and his feeling for her started to slowly drift away because he was only getting hurt by those feeling for her. he still truly loves her but she moved on, and so should he or have a chance to whether he wants to move on or not. now he still loves her but as a friend and as someone who has given him true happiness into his life that he waited for so long, no words could describe the happpiness she brought him and for that he thanks her for coming into his life but love love is gone…..for now till things get better one day. so everything should be fine then right? everyone wins and noone should be hurting? people moved on and should be happy?….really now, tell him that and he will say this “i dont know how to be happy anymore, all ill bring to peoples lives right now is pain, i will hurt others who should never feel pain, im a ball with spikes, ill keeping rolling but will injure people along the way”. hes a broken man now but he still has many years to come so his story is still not over yet. this story isnt over

p.s. hes getting better, slowly but surely……..slowly but truly.

(Source: s-pock, via cocadgdsbmcr)

(Source: 0ci0, via cocadgdsbmcr)


I thought I was strong enough to reblog this without crying.

I was wrong.

(Source: pinkmanjesse)


the-short-human if your ever in a bad mood hope this helps ^_^!

the-short-human if your ever in a bad mood hope this helps ^_^!

So cute i cant even the-short-human

So cute i cant even the-short-human

I just idk

Maybe I’m a little sad. Sometimes it’s too hard to smike. Sometimes there’s nothing to smile about. What do you do when everyone is moving and you just cant? I’m stuck…I don’t know what to do. I never know what to do. And I think I’ll never know what to do. Sometimes it’s just easier to hide and ignore everyone. You know sometimes I even ignore myself. Didn’t even know that was possible….but it is. It’s one of my many new talents I learned recently. Ignoring myself. Maybe I’m a little more then just sad….

For all those that try to help please please please forgive me….I don’t mean to push any of you away…..I just want happiness back in my life….and I’m grateful to have people out there who care about me but I think what’s wrong with me will never go away. I hope you all a
Except me for who I am now…..I lost and broken man….


"The heart wants what it wants; I’m stuck on her, it’s like I’m lost in my thoughts."

— Kyle Lucas in I Still Feel Her Pt. 5 (via violalioness)


I get so jealous he gets to wake up next to you. I know you’re guilty. I know, you still feel me. I know it’s wrong but you make it hard to breathe and i know, I know you couldn’t sleep, it’s in the way you lay. I would buy you roses, but you would never get them, it’s the irony of how you live.

#jonnycraig #diamond #jonnycraigislife #whydoyoutalktomeperaonally #idontunderstand #whatimisupposetofeelordo

#jonnycraig #diamond #jonnycraigislife #whydoyoutalktomeperaonally #idontunderstand #whatimisupposetofeelordo


Diamond - Jonny Craig